Those Words shared by My Parent Which Rescued Me as a First-Time Parent

"In my view I was merely trying to survive for the first year."

Former reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the demands of being a father.

But the reality rapidly became "completely different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health complications surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. Suddenly he was thrust into becoming her chief support as well as taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing every night time, every change… every walk. The role of mother and father," Ryan shared.

Following 11 months he became exhausted. That was when a talk with his father, on a public seat, that led him to understand he required support.

The straightforward phrases "You're not in a healthy space. You must get some help. What can I do to help you?" opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and find a way back.

His situation is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. Although people is now better used to addressing the strain on mums and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the difficulties new fathers face.

Asking for help is not weak to ask for help

Ryan feels his difficulties are symptomatic of a wider reluctance to communicate among men, who still hold onto negative notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and stays upright with each wave."

"It is not a show of failure to request help. I failed to do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher who studies mental health before and after childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not justified to be seeking help" - especially in front of a mother and child - but she stresses their mental well-being is just as important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the opportunity to take a pause - going on a short trip away, away from the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He realised he required a adjustment to focus on his and his partner's feelings in addition to the day-to-day duties of taking care of a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

Self-parenting

That realisation has transformed how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he matures.

Ryan believes these will assist his son better understand the expression of emotional life and make sense of his parenting choices.

The notion of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen lacked reliable male a father figure. Even with having an "incredible" bond with his dad, profound trauma caused his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says bottling up feelings caused him to make "bad actions" when he was younger to alter how he felt, finding solace in alcohol and substances as a way out from the hurt.

"You gravitate to substances that aren't helpful," he notes. "They may temporarily change how you feel, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Strategies for Coping as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - if you're feeling swamped, tell a friend, your other half or a professional what you're going through. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - make time for the things that made you feel like you before having a baby. It could be going for a run, seeing friends or gaming.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - a good diet, staying active and when you can, sleep, all are important in how your mental state is doing.
• Connect with other new dads - listening to their journeys, the difficult parts, as well as the good ones, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Know that asking for help does not mean you've failed - looking after yourself is the optimal method you can care for your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the loss, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead offer the stability and emotional support he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - processing the emotions constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become more balanced, healthier men due to the fact that they faced their struggles, transformed how they express themselves, and taught themselves to control themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I wrote, on occasion I feel like my job is to teach and advise you on life, but in reality, it's a exchange. I am understanding just as much as you are in this journey."