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Being a homosexual male approaching 50, my life has involved numerous, largely enjoyable years pursuing spontaneous encounters with other men from my teenage years. In my 30s, I was in a committed partnership which continued for a significant period, however I never felt completely content, in that I didn't experience love nor sexually nourished. Truthfully, I have always craved casual sex. Whenever I start seeing any man, once the newness fades, I always get the urge to be intimate with other men again.

Questioning the Feasibility of Exclusive Commitment

Currently, I'm contemplating whether it's possible for me to maintain a monogamous relationship. I understand that many homosexual males have non-monogamous arrangements, yet from my observations, they have seemed demanding, frequently causing significant heartache and envy among all parties. In many ways, I want another man to care for me while letting me pursue other intimacies, but I dread to imagine the psychological toll this would cause. Is it best to keep having spontaneous encounters and accept that a lasting partnership may be unattainable? I feel somewhat confused.

Every person’s intimate path varies. Try not to think of your relationship needs or your ability to tolerate different types of intimate connections as fixed. Your needs in your current state may well change in the future; at a certain time you may find yourself more decisive and find some clarity and a suitable route … or not. One day you could encounter someone offering a transformative opportunity to you by reflecting your desires completely … and later on you might decide that casual connections suit you best. Fretting over the future and playing endless speculation is simply rooted in fear and a waste of your efforts. Try to be in the moment with your partners, and see the worth of each person you connect with intimately a sexual connection. If and when you are ever ready to deepen genuine closeness with one partner, you will know.

• The psychotherapist is a American therapy professional who specialises in addressing sexual disorders.